When life gives you lemons…../ Fruity Friday ( Saturday Version )

Posted on by Noircotic
Citreum Malitiae aka Mocking Lemon. They seem friendly at first, but this is just a ploy to lure you in. Once they have your attention they will set about ridiculing your clothing choices/ hairstyle ( or lack thereof if you are a bald man) and generally make rude comments about your physical appearance ( and that of your Mother) . They also bite.

When life gives you these lemons, BURN THEM. ( Yes, with fire. I mean…what else would you use? Although in this case, the high moisture content of the fruit might make burning difficult). Or you could punch them in the face as hard as you can, then juice them while they’re still unconscious. Alternatively, as a less violent option I guess you could also feed them some fish ‘n’ chips just to see what happens?

Something I used to enjoy doing in my spare moments was coming up with creative “When life gives you lemons..” quotes. The best one I ever came up with was: ” When life gives you lemons, shove them down your jeans and pretend to be Robert Plant”, which is admittedly a bit rude ( Sorry; I’m quite juvenile when it gets down to it). But it’s a joke that Led Zep fans will instantly get. (Well, if not instantly….Eventually) . If you can think of something much better/ weirder, don’t hold back.

Published by Noircotic

Half misanthropic drunken pessimist, half wide-eyed optimist , half terrible at maths. Can be found in secluded locations ( which may not be secluded enough if you can actually find me) talking to my cat and/ or myself.

10 thoughts on “When life gives you lemons…../ Fruity Friday ( Saturday Version )”

    1. That’s ok- I quite liked the crytpic nature of the comment. It helps support my whole “life is just a weird Performance Art piece” mood that I’ve got happening at the moment ( life is “a happening”!) .

      Yeah, I wasn’t initially planning to post these silly things, but what else am I going to do with them? They’ll just be sitting there in my ‘puter hard-drive doing nothing. Plus, it balances out the doom and gloom, and at the end of the day is just a bit of filler. Not that blogs need that, of course, but personally I need a break from all the heaviness sometimes. And “Variety is the spice…” and all that.

      Cheers for the link. I just had a scroll through but will read it properly later. Lots of familiar looking paintings in there. I’ve always loved that fairy painting by John Atkinson Grimshaw ( well, I say “that painting”- there seems to be quite a few different versions and variations of it). It’s interesting that I see these images pop up everywhere because he wasn’t really known as a Faery painter. Most of his work depicts dark, moody, rainy, foggy scenes of Victorian era London- which I find quite beautiful. Love his painting style. Anyway, I went off on a tangent (again).

      At first I was going to say “what’s this link got to do with my blog post?’ but I appreciate it, and I suppose dangerous fruit is quite Fae, really. I’ve noticed your name is quite otherworldly sounding, too. Are you one of the Fae folk? If so, then I already know it’s not your real name! They never give their names away. In fact, it’s why I never reveal my own name ( but not really, it’s just for the sake of internet security and anonymity, although I’m not sure why I bother because it’s not like all the creepy g**gle’s and social media demons don’t already know every single thing about us. And scammers only need your phone number, anyway, which we’re expected to give out every time we want to join pretty much anything online now it seems. Or even to buy a feckin’ book. GRRR. So done with it! ).

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      1. Well I am glad you posted them and I do enjoy talking lemons and other varieties of fruits with faces, I wish I could have come up with something more related to that subject which I do enjoy! LOL

        Oh yes, that guy has this enormous blog with tons of info about Celtic culture and history, its a lot of reading but there’s some amazing details so I was pleased to draw it to your attention knowing you’re interested I fairy lifestyles and so on.

        I am in fact one of the Fae folk! I have good karma as long as I can remember, but there is a gigantic flip side to that, and yeah, I love to use a pseudonym online too! Well when I started on the net, everyone was using them, nowadays, thanks to Facebook opening things up to business they’re all using their real names, what a drag! Anyhow, I kept coming up with silly titles, so I carry on, but its easy to find out who I really am, cos I didn’t hide my email address, now there’s way too many people at work and family who know about my online persona, it makes me mad, cos I might like them to just F.off and mind their own dunking business!!

        I might like to start over with better secrecy and go for that freedom to create – but then you get to know people and they like this about you, but not that, which is irritating, cos you don’t want to offend, don’t really need to as such, but may want to all the same – its all a bit ridiculous – weird really to me, what’s up with people? If I started a Deviant art web page, remember that site? That goes back to the old days, I think when the internet first got going, everyone thought it was going to be “deviant” – well you can put anything on there, it doesn’t have to actually be deviant, most of it isn’t really at all. Maybe it’s deviant cos it’s not so much about selling? Or maybe it is, I haven’t been there for quite a while – think I’ll go have a peek now! 😀 😀 (ramble ramble)

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      2. Yeah, I hear re: the online anonymity. Although there’s not TOO much I share on here that I wouldn’t with the people I know IRL ( apart from family members. They definitely would NOT understand most of it. I’m the purple sheep of the fam.) , it’s more that most of the times I’ve tried, they’re just not interested. I have some rather niche interests, and it’s difficult to find others with those same interests in my current environment. So I vent to the internet ( I want to say “internent” because it rhymes with “vent”).

        I get not wanting to offend. But I also resent it. Lately I’ve been cutting loose a bit more because of that. I mean, I don’t see any of the boring normies trying to be less boring for my sake. Obviously I don’t go out of my way to upset anyone, but I also don’t want to have to tiptoe around anyone. You can’t please everyone! That’s just an unavoidable reality of life. It’s a bit more liberating to just say what you want to say, and you tend to have more interesting conversations that way, too, which are obviously preferable to conversations that bore the arse off you!

        Yes, I do remember DeviantArt. I remember seeing stuff I liked there, too. It’s still going, apparently. According to my daughter, it’s mostly just Fantasy art now.

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      3. I think online I like to be more than I really am, like include who I’d like to be in my online persona, bit of a closet rock star! LOL I know a lot of people go really nuts with that and go on YouTube comments and stuff insulting and being really nasty for no real reason – I wouldn’t want to be that guy, but I might like to pretend to be perhaps, ya know for a bit of a joke, well anyhow, that’s not what I meant, I just might want to appear to be a bit of a lunatic, or excessive in some way. I am quite like that in real life but not to the extent I’d like to be, cos that would just be stupid – online, I may want to appear to be entirely stupid – haha, what kind of nitwit am I??

        I do have some followers I rally value and enjoy their art work and opinions and so on, so its an exchange which grows, then I may want to post one of my more loony fringe ideas, but not want to offend this person can be awkward – not to mention the christians, so easy to offend, they may be good at hiding it, and not say anything, then later you start find out they probably been praying for you or something, all that crap winds me up, people are so crazy – jeez, and I thought I was nuts!!

        Yeas, Deviant Art, that’s a pretty good site, so pleased to see its still going – there were quite a few other art sites in the early days, al free, but then they got so huge, you could hardly find your own page, let alone whittle anything ut of the million or so users, then they started charging, but Deviant Art site has stayed free and pretty cool really, inevitably its huge, shall have to go there again soon and have a rummage

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      4. Oh, don’t feel bad about that- it’s what most people on social media do to some extent. It’s worse on platforms like facebook and instagram, of course. Everyone’s trying to project an idealised version of themselves and their lives there, but you know it’s just the “highlight reel” you’re seeing ;). If everything was as wonderful as they were trying to make out they wouldn’t have the time, energy, or inclination to document it all online. They’d be too busy having an awesome life.

        I try to be as authentic as I can here – if anything, the anonymity gives me that freedom to be messy and raw in a way I don’t get to be offline. And to share things that I know are too “weird” or silly for most people I know offline. And to remind myself that I actually do get a fair bit of stuff done. Having said that, however, I sure as hell don’t post all my worst/ failed artwork and creations here! ( and who would want to see that, anyway?). I guess we want to present something that people might actually be interested in. In my case, I’m hoping that some of my more raw moments will be something people relate to first and foremost. That’s not going to make me popular, but there’s already a surplus of people doing the “Look at me, I’m so wonderful and so is my life” thing, so I’m not doing that. I think perceptive people can pick up on bullshit like that, anyway. And I’d rather interact with 2 or 3 intelligent, perceptive people than 3000 shallow people with the attention span of a flea on amphetamines who are just around for memes and selfies of hot chicks/ hot dudes. (Not that you get that too much here on WordPress. Blog sites are a place where you’re more likely to find quality content; well thought-out comments, etc. than you would on the more short-format sites). Even if it’s still just online, I want the connections I make with people here to have some sort of substance to them.

        I don’t think I have any Christian folk following my blog! Actually, I think I have ONE. But I figure if they’ve stuck around, then perhaps they’re not of the “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL FOR HAVING DIFFERENT IDEAS TO ME” variety anyway. Which is nice! ( either that or they’re praying for me- horrible heathen sinner that I am, haha). I’ve said it before: I don’t care what faith someone has so long as they don’t try to shove it down my throat. I don’t try to dissuade anyone from their chosen faith, so it’s fair that they don’t try to “convert” me. If people are cool with that, then I’m cool with them. To reiterate what I said in a previous comment, I don’t post anything with the intention to offend. But if i ever do inadvertently offend someone just by doing what I do, then they have the option of not following my blog. I don’t tiptoe around people. I don’t ask anyone to do that for me, either.

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    1. Thankyou so much!

      Ah, a sister from another mister, I see 😉 . I agree; you know you’re doing something right when you go over the unimaginative heads of the humourless! Self expression via my appearance is one of the few areas of my life in which I’m exceedingly confident. And, oddly- or perhaps not oddly, given the superficiality of the human race- people often equate this as general confidence…which is a strange position to be in. But sometimes it does help me to bluff my way through certain social situations. Long live crazy clothes and mad hair! * high fives *

      Anyway, sorry about the rambling. Lemon curd sounds good 😀

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